I lean closer and whisper. "I'm already there, so I guess I'll wait for you

Because brothers don’t let each other wander in the dark alone

Like I'm flying." I smile and tilt my face closer to hers. Close enough that I can feel her breath on my face. "like I'm flying through the night sky because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but I can't get enough of you.

I want to hate him for what he did. Leaving us. It's not right. He's gone and I'm stuck here in this fucking funeral home, staring at his casket. There's no way out. Not for me, and certainly not for him. The casket is closed. Bolted shut for eternity. No one forced him to be a Jackass wannabe, though.

How do you lose your brother ? You lose your grandfather, your distant uncle, your dog for Christ's sake. Not your brother. Especially brothers like mine.

If I could have seen a year ahead, would I love the girl I am now or hate her ?

I inhale deeply and hold it. Every time I do this lately, I feel like I need to see how long I can hold it. See if I can understand how Eamon must have felt. But I know nothing would make me understand that king of agony. The fear. Did he know he was taking his last breath when he gasped that last time ?

He taught me to fight, to defend myself, to stand up for what I believe in, and protect people I love. I thanked him for that lesson after that weekend in New Orleans when some guy put his hands on Delia, and I had to tear him apart.

My heart's cracking apart all over again because of the way I've missed him.

People don't want the truth when they ask how you're doing after you lost your brother.